MomME Time

My Life in Transitions

I wrote the following article on Facebook Notes about five years ago. Some words were changed to express my views better. I thought I’d share it with you because some of us might be going through a transition too. It was written at a point when I was still unsure about pursuing a life abroad or staying put.
 
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I’m going through another transition in this so called life. Having been through 8 different schools from nursery through college and having lived as an NPA ( No Permanent Address) for most of my life, I should be used to it by now. But still, I’m not. Here I am, a bit misty eyed and feeling sentimental about change.

They say change is good. For someone who practically lived a nomad’s life, change is still awkward and quite difficult. Outwardly, you try to maintain a smooth transition as if it’s just as ordinary as going on a trip, but inwardly, you feel like a grown tropical tree uprooting itself to be transplanted to a forest somewhere in Russia. Uprooting oneself means trying to determine what bits and pieces of your life you’ll need to remain in order to survive the climate there. Uprooting yourself means letting go of the life you have – the UK shopping, the public reading, the coffee sprees with friends, the sleepless sleepovers, the eating out with family on Sundays, the grocery shopping, the kitchen escapades with sisters, the bonding with your dogs, the endless list of things you do every day.The little things that make your life ” your life”. Furthermore, uprooting yourself means physical separation from people you love and care about. It’s hard because I need the people I have right here and now. I need their love, affection and support. And somehow, I need to shake off their physical presence and just be left with loving thoughts, fervent prayers and 15 minute phone calls. 

I used to consider myself a control freak. I was always comforted by the illusion of control. There’s a certain level of comfort in knowing what comes next: your paycheck on the 15th, lunch date on Tuesday, dental appointment on Saturday, bills every 1st week of the month, things like that.Things are easier that way, much less complicated. This is my life. No jack in the box! No curveballs! I was always attracted to the myth that somehow, if I knew what I was going to do tomorrow I could control it. I thought, that’s why we have planners right?! Why plan if you can’t control right?! Might as well not plan at all. 

I often confused predictability with stability. I thought, if you don’t know what’s in store tomorrow then how do you start getting there today. Routine is good. It keeps you grounded to home, to family, to life. The daily grind is stable. But recently, I just realized, that routines and habits don’t make stability. Stability is just a reflection of what’s inside. In order to reflect if you are really stable, you don’t ask yourself: “Where do I need to go today?” Instead you ask : ” Where am I going in my life?” You don’t ask yourself: ” Should I take the bus or jeep to get there?” Instead you ask: ” How do I get to where I want to be in life?” And lastly you don’t ask, ” What am I still doing here in this dump?” instead you ask, ” What is my purpose in life? ” If you have a clear answer for all of these questions, I’d guess you’re pretty stable even if you don’t have the faintest idea of what you’re going to do at exactly 7:35 AM tom.


Photo from ISO Republic


I read somewhere that one should never confuse being busy to having a life. Being busy means having things to do while having a life means having time to do certain things with people in your life.

The truth is, life is uncertain. No matter how much we want to or how many activities we scribble in our calendars, things don’t always go our way. The scary truth is transitions magnify this truth tenfold. During a transition, you are faced with a gazillion “what ifs” every second coming from all directions, like laser beams destroying your seemingly ” foolproof plan”. What if you can’t find a job there? What if you can’t find true friends? What if you get sick? or homesick? What if you were better off having roots in the place where you were born? What if your plans fail? What if you fail?

I read in Chicken Soup for the Soul book a very wise woman remarked, ” If I fail, what’s the worse that could happen, I fail! What’s the best thing that could happen? I succeed!”

I guess in transitions the best thing we could do is to prepare ourselves that ther’d always be something unknown. Heads up people: The grass may not be greener on the other side of the fence. But it doesn’t mean it’s barren. Life is one big adventure whether you are on this side of the fence or the other. The difference lies in how well you transition, how well you adapt to your environment. I love this line from life coach Martha Beck which goes,”Trust your life to unfold perfectly.” We don’t know what will happen in the future, all we can do is our best and trust that God’s hand will lead us somewhere meaningful.
 
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I feel like I’m in the middle of a transition now. In a few months, my baby who depended on me for everything is gradually learning the concept of independence. She is learning to stand and soon, she’ll be walking. She was babbling and now she says syllables like “dada”  and “mama”.I am nostalgic at how  much and how fast she has grown. I want to let her explore but at the same time keep her safe. I am continuously learning how to raise her, to adjust to her needs and to better understand her. It is both a nerve wracking and exciting time for me as a mother.But I am trusting that somehow I’d be able to ride these changes out and come out a better mother for her.

How about you? Are you in a transition phase too?If not, do you find transitions easy or difficult to deal with? Feel free to share your thoughts!
 

28 Comments

  1. transitions are rather scary + a mother's life is a series of never-ending transitions, really. What lies ahead is enough to scare us but I guess it helps to pray for guidance + to anticipate what's to come with an open heart. I am sure, we will all get out of these unscathed! 🙂

  2. That's one way to put it haha

  3. That's true, they're growing up so fast. Yeah my daughter too, super kulit na. Good luck to us!

  4. Yes I agree.Writing a book sounds exciting! I hope you finish your book! I actually dropped by your blog and I think the title of your children's book is lovely. Thanks for visiting 😉

  5. Thank you so much. I think we learn something everyday from our children that help us be better as parents and as people.I wish you the same in your own journey!

  6. True ang bilis nga ng panahon. One day we will miss them being little.

  7. It is such a privilege to witness our baby's milestones isn't it. It is also fun to be hand on. I'm starting to enjoy the transition a bit more everyday.

  8. Tama! Kaya natin to! Thanks mommy! Wish you well too!

  9. Thanks! Everything is a form of transition. Aja fighting!

  10. Yes I think so too. A lot of times, it's a matter of perspective.

  11. So true mommy! Will check your stories out as well. 🙂

  12. same here. I think early on we got to learn that nothing is permanent and find it easier to adjust to people's personalities.

  13. I know we have these ambivalent feelings that just come up haha. We can do this!

  14. I hope we will both learn from this transition.. hugs to you mommy! <3

  15. I actually equate being busy to having no life. XD

  16. I also had this transition from full time mom to work at home mom, and Im loving it. Even it has a big difference when it comes to salary, I couldnt compare the priceless moments I have with my son especially now that he always surprises me with his developments.

  17. oh i always fall on that transition phase every time my daughter's becoming more and more independent. like yesterday, she's setting up the table na for us – spoon on the right, fork on the left. T_T

  18. I've been to many transitions in the past 8 years. That includes transitioning from a well-travelled career woman to a stay-at-home mom, from a SAHM to a WAHM, from a WAHM to a businessmom. Transitions are difficult especially when abrupt but they help bring out the best in us also. 🙂 I'm currently writing a book about those transitions. I hope to finish and launch it this year if God permits. 🙂

  19. I think every month, every year, somehow we're evolving into greater versions of ourselves. 🙂 It's quite tough, especially when we need to take a leap, but hey, we never know if we can make it to the other side unless we try, right? 🙂 Wishing you a gentle, kind transition in your journey!

  20. Ako naman I feel like fixated haha. I have three kids and sunod sunod sila. It is really tiring. Sometimes I'm wishing kung kelan ko kaya malalagpasan ang stage na ito. But time flies so fast, we just have to hang a little more.

  21. Same here with Pehpot. My career as a PR person is just nearing perfect (perhaps I love my job so much) when I got pregnant. I resigned upon knowing it. Ive decided to look after my baby full time. Perhaps it's God's way also to tell me to be there for my other three growing boys. Ive been so busy with work that most of the time, I let my boys do their own studying, even help me clean the house on weekends. That time, this mother was always stressed out and relationship in our family wasnt that healthy. Now that I am at the house, I could cook for the boys, help prepare them to school, and when they're home, there is food waiting for them. My now five-month old baby keeps me company and sane while the boys are at school and I must say that I love this transition. Its my first time to babywear, breastfeed, and I am loving the experience.

  22. Last year when I thought I'm on steady phase.. I got pregnant.. so many have changes back then.. it feels like I'm in stage one back again.. haayss

    Like you, I'm control freak too. I have plan A, plan B to plan z kaya when I got pregnant, nagulantang talaga mundo ko.

    But I am sure, all these stages we have, malilipasan din natin ito 🙂 Hugs to you

  23. I can feel you mommy, because we're just married and a first mom, everything in my life now is form of transition. But I know that God is always there for me 🙂 Aja mommy!

  24. We co-sleep with our kids but lately, our 9yo is already asking to have her own room and I'm still in denial that sooner, she'll be a tween. I guess we'll just have to embrace change, it makes our journey more exciting 🙂

  25. I know how you feel, too. There have been many transitions in my life, and you would read about it in my blog. I think, in our lifetime there'll be countless changes. We just gotta ride on the waves of life, and never let go. After all, we have a loyal God, who never lets go! 🙂

  26. Ohh I feel you. I have been also moving from different places and transferring schools most of my life and I always hate the transition, the disorientation.. But I still consider it a good experience though..

  27. Oh my! I know how it feels. I have a daughter turning 2 next month and I just can't help but be amazed. A part of me wants to see her grow into a lovely woman that I wish her to be but part of me misses my baby so much. Ugh! Motherhood is crazy.

  28. I am too in my transition stage. A mommy of one going to become a mommy of two plus with a bleak future in my career in a foriegn country… I know how you feel but I put all my trust in the Lord that everything will be okay.

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